Chapter One:  Who Is The Strong-Willed  Child?

Chapter Summary:

Defines and illustrates what constitutes the Strong-Willed Child (SWC).  After taking the quiz, your own SWC quotient may be higher than you think!

Selected Quotes:

Being strong-willed does not have to be a negative trait!  I often remind parents of SWCs that their children may change the world--after all it's not likely that the world is going to change them! (p. 11)

Chapter Summary:

Strategies for cultivating and maintaining a positive relationship with your SWC, including specific situations with parents who hold opposing views, single parents and blended families.

Selected Quotes:

It's difficult to maintain a positive and loving relationship with your SWC if the two of you are constantly battling for control.  Parents often find themselves raising their voices and losing their tempers.   Before they realize it, most of the communication between them and their SWC consists of harsh words and angry directives.  If this is the case in your home, you can change the pattern. (p. 27)

A SWC knows you can't force him to love or accept you.  He also knows he doesn't have to do what you say.  The one thing he does not know is whether or not you will really keep loving him no matter what. (p. 39)

Chapter Summary:

Gives valuable insight into what can actually motivate and compel your SWC to do what needs to be done.  Also helps you teach your SWC how to motivate himself!

Selected Quotes:

We want to know the purpose so we can decide whether it is worth the effort to achieve it.  Once we understand what the end result is supposed to be, what if we can find a better way to get there?  SWCs are not usually trying to irritate you.  Instead, we are genuinely attempting to figure out what to think and how to stay in control of our world. (p. 50)

All the creative teaching or parenting strategies in the world won't help you if you haven't motivated the child to want to get where you're going. (p. 52)

Sometimes it's not enough to define the goal for your SWC.  You must also figure out what will compel him or her to want to achieve it.   (p. 54)

Chapter Summary:

Shares ideas for keeping school in perspective for both the SWC and the parents.  Is it really a learning or behavior disorder, or is it strong will?  In any case, you can help your SWC survive the school years.

Selected Quotes:

In the real world, you get hired for the very attributes that got you into trouble at school. (p. 66)

If your SWC thinks school is boring anyway and hates doing work that seems to have no point or purpose, is it surprising that he or she may become a candidate for special education? (p. 82) 

You cannot excuse bad behavior; you cannot allow criminal activity; you must not let your SWC by on special exemptions.  By the same token, you dare not assume that something is inherently wrong because he or she will not do things your way. (p. 84)

Chapter Summary:

Traditional methods of discipline often fail with the SWC.  Here are some tried-and-true examples of what works--keeping the mutual respect without sacrificing bottom-line accountability.

Selected Quotes:

The fact that you are the big person and your SWC is the small person is not enough.  You cannot rule based on rank or privilege or even brute strength. (p. 88)

Remember that control is not the same as authority.  You can and should maintain parental authority...in a way that shows (mutual) respect. (p. 103)

Your emotional reactions, especially in negative circumstances, will have almost no positive effect on your SWC.  Your actions, on the other hand, can make a profound and lasting impression. (p. 90)

Chapter Summary:

Helping your SWC find the right niche could mean helping to literally change the world.  This chapter will give you come incredibly practical methods for bringing out the very best!

Selected Quotes:

Certainly we need to train our SWCs to stretch outside their comfort zone and be disciplined.  But why don't we spend more time helping them discover what they can do that will be truly enjoyable for them? (p. 110)

SWCs have little patience for staying in a job we suddenly tire of or that eventually becomes tedious or difficult. (p. 116)

We don't do things because you or society say we must.  We do those things because we are committed to the goals we decide are worth achieving. (p. 117)

Chapter Summary:

Finding ways to keep your SWC from using that strong will simply as an excuse means learning to draw a line that doesn't always mean a declaration of war.

Selected Quotes:

It's especially difficult for SWC's to get along with people who think they are the only ones able to discern what qualifies as right and wrong. (p. 123)

This does not excuse the SWC from taking responsibility for wrongdoing.  We must be accountable for our own actions.  We may decide that the consequences are worth taking in order to retain our independence and self-control.   We cannot and will not let you manipulate and dictate what we do with our lives. (p. 128)

If you want to motivate me, inspire me.  If you want to direct me, lead the way.  If you want to encourage my ambition, ignite the fire with your enthusiasm. (p. 137)

Chapter Summary:

When has the SWC gone too far?   Tips for recognizing serious trouble and finding the right professionals to help you out of it by working within the context of who the SWC is by nature.

Selected Quotes:

There is a point, difficult as it may be, where a parent must admit that their SWC is out of control and that discipline cannot prevent the SWC from harming himself or others.
(p. 142)

Every SWC has a free will, and you can only do so much to influence his or her life choices.  It will be counterproductive to try to place the blame or spend your energy criticizing or scolding yourself or others. (p. 144)

The steps you take may have to be unpleasant, expensive and time-consuming, but your child is worth it.  God did not give you this child by accident. (p. 148)

Chapter Nine:  Is It Ever Too Late?

Chapter Summary:

Ideas for reclaiming a lost relationship with your SWC, no matter how long it has been broken.  This is a chapter that truly helps you celebrate hope!

Selected Quotes:

As long as both you and your SWC are living, it's never too late to begin the process of healing your relationship.
(p. 152)

There won't be any easy answers or quick fixes; genuine, loving, sustained efforts, however, can bring about more changes than you ever thought possible. (p. 155)