by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
How can you make sure your child’s inconvenient behaviors
won’t get in the way of learning this year?
Have you ever been told that your kids are too restless, too talkative, too
inattentive? Have you ever worried that your children may argue too much or play too rough
or rebel against authority? Do you think each of your children is living up to full
potential?
Every parent wants the best for their children. But how do you know what the best is?
Why is each child so different? When I wrote my first book, The Way They Learn,
I introduced the term learning styles--natural, inborn strengths and
characteristics in each individual. Our learning style affects how we understand and
organize information. It helps us decide what makes sense and what's important. As parents
begin to do their homework, they realize just how unique and wonderful each of
their children really is. They also recognize that many of the learning style traits in
their children that were inconvenient or irritating are actually signs of their greatest
potential strengths.
Before you decide your child is actually trying to frustrate you, read the
following descriptions for various learning style strengths. Could it be that the child
whose actions irritate you the most is actually destined to be the most successful?
Take a few moments to consider how many of these "inconvenient" behaviors can
remind you that you truly have a great kid!:
The child who seems to be constantly talking or making noise
For many auditory learners, talking is the only way to really think about what they are
doing. Hearing themselves say the words helps them understand and remember. Their best
problem-solving may be the result of talking through the whole process. If you get tired
of listening to a constant stream of chatter, try using a code word. Let them know you
will give your undivided attention the moment they say that word. In the meantime, you can
practice tuning out the sounds that are merely a part of their thinking process. Remember,
even the noise that seems utterly unnecessary to you may be helping your child think and
learn. Hold him accountable for the bottom line, but consider letting him talk his way
there!
The child who seems to be easily distracted, preferring imagination over
reality
Many children have very active and visual imaginations. Often, when they look like they
are not paying attention, they are trying to form a mental picture of what is being said.
These children can have a great future in the areas where their visual strengths are most
in demand—art, design, advertising, just to name a few. Instead of always being
frustrated with their apparent inattention, try finding out what they are paying attention
to. Then try finding ways to incorporate the distraction into the process of
listening. For example, take the colorful picture that is laying on the table and
encourage your visual child to think about what her picture would look like if she
followed the instructions you are giving her. Whenever possible, provide these learners
with a picture of what you are trying to communicate. Also encourage them to draw or write
as they are learning in order to reinforce the visual strengths.
The child who is restless and very active; the one who won’t sit
still
If you have a child who constantly has excess energy to burn, there is cause to
celebrate! Having a child who squirms and changes position every few seconds presents a
challenge to both teachers and parents. But as your child gets older, the ability to think
and work on the move is a real plus. Athletes, actors, mechanics, craftsmen—all of
these professionals have discovered how beneficial it is to be gifted with natural
movement and energy. Instead of simply trying to force your active child to be still, try
to direct the energy . For example, use that flight of stairs to practice spelling
words or shoot hoops in the backyard while you talk about what will be on tomorrow’s
test. You may be amazed at how effective your active learner is if you simply insist the
bottom-line task be accomplished—with or without staying the same place to do it!
The child who can’t seem to remember details or specifics
Not everyone was born with a naturally analytic mind. For many, the overall picture or
general concept is much easier to grasp than the details. Of course, if your child is not
analytic, school may seem difficult and frustrating. It’s important to recognize and
reinforce the positive aspects of being more "global", or big-picture oriented.
Your global child will be able to quickly and intuitively understand the main idea of a
story or lesson. He or she will often know an answer without being able to explain or
justify it. Global learners find it easier to connect ideas and see relationships than
their more analytic counterparts. It often helps globals focus on necessary details if you
will warn them in advance about what they will need to know. Notice and praise their
ability to quickly get to the heart of an issue and pull out the highlights. Instead of
making them feel bad for forgetting details, help them recognize why the details are
important in the first place—how they fit into the bigger picture.
The child who is a perfectionist and can’t seem to think of
anything but details
Some children are so focused on achievement that it seems like they never relax and
just enjoy themselves. If you have a child who worries about getting every detail exactly
right, be sure to encourage the concientious nature that prompted the concern in the first
place. Certainly the workplace can always use people who are careful and thorough,
especially in professions that depend on accuracy and fine points. If you yourself are not
a particularly detail-oriented parent, you may be frustrated by your child’s constant
questions and concerns. But it is important for both of you to keep enough
perspective to stay balanced. Ask your child what he needs in order to feel like he has
enough information or materials to feel he can accomplish his task. Try to avoid saying
things like "Oh, don’t worry about it." Look for situations where your
child does not have to even think about details—watching a movie or play just for
fun, for example. Be prepared for the fact that even though there is no formal evaluation
needed, your perfectionist may still feel compelled to pick it apart. The concern for
perfection is real, so try easing it, not doing away with it entirely.
An Important Reminder!
Children respond better to positive rewards, praise and encouragement than they do to
threats, guilt or coercion. When parents really know and understand each as an individual,
they can design strategies and instruction using rewards that truly motivate that child to
succeed. Focus on the strengths—the traits in your children that will help
them make their own unique contribution to the world. Sometimes in the middle of daily
conflicts, pressures and frustration, it’s hard to remember what you appreciate about
the child who is being so inconvenient. So why not take a moment right now and start
making a list of what you really value about each of your children? You don’t need
educational terminology or formal techniques to figure out why your child is so precious
and unique. When you start focusing on strengths, it won’t take long at all to
discover that you’ve got a great kid!
Possible Sidebar:
How Do You Know Your Child’s Style?
OBSERVE
When your child experiences success, what are the circumstances that brought it about?
How can you duplicate those in other situations?
LISTEN
How your child asks the question can often be as important as the question
itself. Should the answer be detailed or general?
EXPERIMENT
Keep an open mind when it comes to finding what works for each child. Remember,
sometimes it will be an approach that doesn’t make sense to you!
FOCUS
You can’t build on weakness—focus on strengths and how you can use those to
overcome areas of frustration. Keep reminding your child of the positives!
LEARN
Learn more about learning styles and how to recognize and use the strengths. You and
your child can both be lifelong learners!
Books by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
Do You Know What I Like About You? Jump
Starting Values and Virtues in Your Child.
Every Child Can Succeed: Making
the Most of Your Child's Learning Style.
The Way They Learn: How to
Discover and Teach to Your Child's Learning Style.
The Way We Work: A Practical
Approach for Dealing With People on the Job.
You Can’t Make Me! (But I Can Be
Persuaded): Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child. |
